Never Doing it Again

Never Doing it Again
By: Kristen S

Confessions of a slut.

By Kristen Shigh

Chapter 15

Never doing it again.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is the end of my continuing sexual saga. It is dark. I have said that before. I mean it. It goes there. If you can not handle scat, water sports, blood sports real masochism just to mention a few - don't read it. OK. It is in here.

Please, DO NOT walk down this path if you are not up for it and then give me a low vote just because you did not head my warning. It also involves self loathing. I can not help it. I can't.

In many ways, it would to read the earlier chapters especially 10 11 and 13 first.

- but it is not necessary -

Just know I did not get this way over night.

MOST IMOPORTANTLY! Do not think that because this turns me on that it turns every woman on. Not even close. There are (I hope) very few that it turns on. DO NOT do this to someone that does not know what she (or he) are getting into and has given full permission.

Also, I have a pretty good idea of what I am - I do not need to be saved. My last story chapter 14 was about my visit with a therapist. You are not going to save me.

Confessions of a slut.

By Kristen Shigh

Chapter 15

Never doing it again.

So, It has been several months since the incident at the bar. It has taken me a while to write and tell you what happened.

I am sipping my second glass of red wine, naked before the computer screen - before you - wanting to finish telling you what happened. But even more so, wanting to submit - submit to you. OK, honestly, not you. I don't know you. But you will do. Here I am.

Take me. Use me.

I am assuming you read about what happened. Maybe you did. Maybe you didn't. Maybe you just want some hot lil tale to jack off to. To Jill to. That turns me on. I hope I can bring you off. I am having a very very hard time bringing my self off. I doubt I will be able to bring you off either.

After all of that, at the bar, and the motel room...You know. You read about it. I can't help it. I want more. MORE! I cant take it anymore. I fucking want more!

FUCK ME!

I swear, I never want to have sex again. I don't think I will. I really hurt myself that time. I have been out of commission for several months now.

I hate myself. You should know that. You would to. Here is what happened after my last lil missive:

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I looked over my shoulder at the small audience for the first time. I saw them through my tears. I made eye contact. My wretched requests had subsided to a vulnerable plea. "Somebody fuck me!" No one stepped forward. I managed only to whimper, "Please?"

The bartender broke the awkward silence that followed. "Lady, I'm gonna have to ask you to leave, or I am gonna have to call the cops."

Humiliation turned to anger, tears turned to rage. "Call the cops, Call the fucking cops, I'll fuck them too."

Someone from the peanut gallery chimed in. "Hell, Bobby, don't call the cops, if she wants to get fucked so badly, I don't see why we don't... hell, lock the doors."

Someone else grabbed me by the arm, "Come on little lady lets get you out of here before somebody gets hurt."

Someone else called out, "I don't wanna fuck that nasty shit."

Rejection fucking turns me on. Especially when I know it is a lie. "Yes you do, mother fucker." I snapped. "If they weren't watching you would fuck me in a second. Your just shy - afraid your friends will find out what a small pecker you have."

The others laughed at him. "She's right, Al. Bobby, go lock the doors. Ain't nobody ever come in here till after noon but us anyways."

I knew I had crossed the line. Never ever insult a man's masculinity in front of other men. I knew this. I don't know what the fuck I was thinking.

Yes, I do. I was thinking about Mr. Peterson.

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I am fingering myself right now. I am still sore. I am dry. It hurts. I don't care. I want it to hurt.

"Take me. Do with me as you please. I am such a nasty nasty slut. Hurt me. I want you too. It is what I deserve," I say these things in my head. It helps a little. Finally, I am getting moist.

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Yes, I came back to see Mr. Peterson, of my own volition. The very next night. I wasn't asked. I did it on my own.

I made preparations. It was the first time I made such preparations. Perhaps it is at the root of all of the preparations I do now - what - seven years later. All the shopping, secretively going out and getting a room, renting cars - all of it. FUCKING all of it. The very fact that I write these stupid diary entries and then post them on the internet.

I am sure of it. I am not sure of anything. EXCEPT I HAVE BEEN UNABLE TO BRING MYSELF OFF FOR OVER A MONTH.

Maybe you'll remember that I told you I did see Mr. Peterson again. Many times. And that I never spoke to Sheila again. I did however, the next day, go to great lengths to find out that Sheila was not going to be coming home that night. We had plans to go to another party. I didn't show. I found out from another friend that Sheila and her latest bo had already left to go to some cheap motel room.

God, I was so fucking jealous of her. She was so beautiful. She did what ever she wanted. Boys loved her. But I had something she wouldn't have. I had her fucking father. I think that fact turned me on more than anything has ever turned me on. I was impossible. Wet. wanton. Famished.

For years, I had followed in her wake. I would have done anything for her - anything. I carried her books in elementary school. I came to her house everyday. I helped her with her homework in high school. Sometimes I did it for her. In return, she occasionally threw me a scrap.

She set me up with my first sexual encounter - at least that I could remember. It was some boy that had the hots for her. She didn't like him. I had sex with him - just because I thought Sheila wanted me to. It was awkward and over with quickly. This was different. Now, I had something she couldn't have. Something she wouldn't want me to have. And he was so fucking good the night before. Holy Cow!

So much so that I got up the next day knowing I was going back. I went shopping to prepare for it. I bought the slutiest things my tiny little nineteen year old body would fit into. I am sure I looked like a fucking idiot. Fishnets and garters - and other garish garish garble-dy-gook. I bought a padded push up bra. Oh my God I bet I looked stupid..

I bought a little over coat too. I wore it all out of the thrift store, there is NO WAY! I could wear that outfit in public, in broad daylight. Paying for it was a major turn on though. I put it all on in the public restroom of a gas station. Holy fuck that made me horny! My little fetish for bathrooms may have started right there. I touched myself in there. It smelled horrible. I was embarrassingly wet. I came. Instantly.

I wore the outfit the rest of the day, under the overcoat of course.

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I miss those days. When I could cum easily. There was a time in my life when I could go into the bathroom at work and bring myself off, flush the toilet and no one know the difference. ('sept maybe on some days I peed a lot.)

I am afraid those days are gone forever.

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I knew I had crossed the line. Never ever insult a man's masculinity in front of other men. I knew this. I don't know what the fuck I was thinking.

"Okay then, I think somebody wants to give us a little show." The bartender announced as he led me still naked into the bar. My little bathrobe abandoned.

I did too. FUCK! I did. But I was scared. Scared shitless as he locked the front door. I was crying a little. I was going to do this. I wanted to.

My pussy ached from the trashing that one mother fucker had given me in the bathroom. I shouldn't have asked him to pinch me so hard as he fucked me. I couldn't help it. He made me cum. Hard.

Someone put some money in the juke box and told me to dance. Fuck, I am a terrible dancer. I tried to get up on top of the bar, they all laughed. There was only about 5 of them. And the bartender. He stopped me, "Hey I don't want that nasty shit up here on my bar."

I tried to be sexy. I am just not. All skinny and pale and naked. My bright red bush stood out against my pale skin like bonfire.

I made all the cliché stripper moves - but it just seemed ridiculous.

I have to admit though - they were all watching - and that part turned me on: being the center of attention - being naked and stared at by all these dirty old men - even if I was just leering and lunging and touching my breasts while I squint and try to look seductive.

They were definitely watching.

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Those days are gone forever. Now, I need something more. MORE!

I need someone who understands my need --. who can reciprocate through appetite. Someone who understands my appetite. I want to be devoured. Consumed. Disposed of.

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I wore the whole outfit the rest of the day, under the coat of course.

I was so randi! I felt like a perv. I wanted to flash somebody like the time Sheila convinced me to flash a truck driver my tits. God, I love her. Not like that. I am not a lesbian. Nor is she.

I drove around - looking at seedy bars and motel rooms and fanaticizing. If I had been old enough to get into a bar I would have. That is where it started really.

I touched my self in a parking lot of an adult video store. I didn't have the guts to go in. I am pretty sure someone a few parking spots away new what I was doing. He may have been doing the same thing. It FUCKING turned me on. I couldn't help it.

I parked down the street so no one would notice my car in the drive way. You have no idea how empowered I felt as I walked up that sidewalk and knocked on the door wearing that outfit. (at least under the overcoat.) Holy Cow!

I think the long moment between knocking on that door and that door opening was about the scariest, most erotic most interminable moment I have ever lived. Nervous. I had knocked on the door. My heart was racing.

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I need someone who sees my pain and can feed it. Someone who can fill me. Who will who will... slap me and tell me what a horrible nasty cunt I am. Leave your stinging red hand print on my face.

Hurt me. I deserve it. Hurt me, so I won't hurt myself.

Someone who understands.

Do you understand?

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They were definitely watching.

I started building some confidence. I closed my eyes and swung my hips. Fuck, I wish I had hips. I have no rhythm. I look like a fucking idiot. I am a terrible dancer but FUCK! I was naked in front of a half dozen dirty old men staring at me. ME! That made me hot. I wanted to fuck every one of them. I know they wanted to fuck me - getting them to admit it in public might be a challenge - but they wanted to. I got down on my knees on the grimy concrete floor and inhaled my fingers to show them what I wanted to do, what I was going to do. I am a fucking whore. I wanted to suck their cocks. All of them. Right there! Fuck, I was horny. But no one stepped up. They laughed at me. I turned 'round and spread my lil ass cheeks. My lil rosebud was blooming. FUCK! I wanted it back there too. Two at once, I fanaticized. Double. Double penetration! FUCK ME! I was on fire! I cant believe I was doing this.

There were some cheers and cat calls. "Get a-load of this chick - who does she think she is?"

I slobbered all over my finger and brought it down to my door bell and pushed. I mean fuck if you are going to be a slut - be a fucking slut! Spittle dripped as I slipped the tip of my middle finger through the back door. I wanted to show them nothing was off limits as if they didn't already know that. Fuck! What was I doing?

No one approached me. The idiots just cat called, "yea! Finger your ass hole, whore." I did so as I looked 'round at all of them and selected one. FUCK! I was on my hands and knees - naked - in front of a bunch of old alkies - at ten thirty in the morning - fingering my own ass hole for show! One of them had already fucked me this morning - I don't think I could have even picked out which one. But he knew. In my defense I did have my back turned. Like I do right now! I do like it from the back. Maybe that's why. I don't want to have to see the stupid expression on his face when he cums. But still I was on fire. I wanted them on fire too.

I was going to do this! I slowly removed my finger from my back door and climbed up on the little ladder rungs on one of the barstools with a fat man seated in it. I knew it wasn't him - the one that fucked me in the bathroom. I threw my arms up in the air - as if to celebrate my naked body. I would love to ride on top of papa bear. I would. I wreathed in his lap. I was soooo horny! So on! SO ready! -- but before I could even attempt my guess as what a lap dance is - he pushed me away.

"I don't want that nasty shit up here - you go wash yourself, you fucking skank."

I was humiliated.

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My pussy is still dry.

I don't care. Still, I am fingering myself - I wet my fingers with my mouth - trying to plug the abyss. There is no bottom to the hole inside me. My clit hurts so fucking bad! She is bruised - badly -- but she is not bleeding anymore. Not for a while. Still I have recurring memories of where the skin had broken from what those mother fuckers did to me. I doused her with rubbing alcohol.

I love rubbing alcohol.

You knew that. I told you about it. DON'T FUCKING TELL ME YOU DON'T REMEMBER. Mother fucker. Yes, I took it out of my lunch box - inside the thermos. You don't give a shit. I don't blame you.

You don't even know what happened yet, do you? But...

Yes, that means I fucking opened it. My lunchbox. You remember my She-RA the warrior princess Lunchbox? Don't you? The one I swore I would never open again.

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Nervous. I knocked on his door. My heart was racing. It was me. I had gone there. It wasn't like last night at all. I came back. Of my own volition. I came for more, More!

But it was taking him forever to answer the door. I could see some lights on. His car was in the driveway. I rang the bell again, and again. Impatient. I caught my reflection in the window. Me all made up like a little hussy. Purple and bright blue eye shadow. Eye brows plucked and arched. Mascara as thick as a forest, Fire Red-Neon Red-Fuck Me red lipstick and juicy wet clear gloss coated on my poutty lips. Me. In an over coat. The whole brassy ensemble beneath made me interminable! A thong! I bought a thong! I couldn't wait to show it to him - show him - how did he put it last night? "What a sexy young woman I have become." I even shaved my little saucey for the first time in my life leaving a little red haired landing strip.

I wanted to touch myself. I was leaning on the door bell admiring my make up as my own reflection in the dark window dissolved with the lights turning on.

He answered.

He was wearing a bath robe and was still tying the belt as he opened the door. His reaction was not at all what I expected. He acted like last night hadn't happened. He looked right through me. "Sheila isn't here right now. Why are you ringing the door bell like that?"

My lil noggin rattled - thoughts bounced around like a super ball thrown into a small closet. "Did he mean it when he said we would never speak of this again? Did he hate me? Was I not good enough? AM I that lousy in bed? Am I ugly?" But I managed to utter, "I know, and I also know she is not coming home tonight." I slowly opened the over coat to show him the little tramp inside.

He looked flustered, distracted, "I thought we agreed to forget about what happened last night."

I was crest-fallen.

I was not going to take no for an answer. No way. I stood my ground. I planted my feet and slowly unbuttoned my overcoat to reveal - the new me! Vivacious saucey sexy Kristen.

I leaned against the door jam and struck my best Mae West pose. I remember the push up mashing my lil pixies together so that they joined forces like... like... the wonder twins as they crouched behind the frilly jungle canopy ready to pounce.

The over coat slid off my curve-less frame to the porch while I wiggled and writhed to some unknown stripper music that is permanently stuck in my head I was fucking doing it! Holy cow! A strip tease!

He looked away. He seemed nervous. "He thinks I am ugly," I thought. "I look ridiculous. No matter what I do Ill never be sexy." I removed the blouse and tossed it inside the door. "Look, I can't have you doing that on my porch. OK I have neighbors, for fuck's sake."

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As I write this she is empty. So fucking empty. So lonely, so open, so filthy.

I can not stop fingering her.

I can not bring myself off. I am dry. I don't care.

I have done everything.

Everything !

No, everything!

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"I don't want that nasty shit up here - you go wash yourself, you fucking skank."

The words reverberated inside my lil noggin. Fuck, name calling turns me on! I can't help it. Someone... the bartender... yea, I am sure it was the bartender grabbed me by the arm and led me behind the bar making me squat over the drain in the floor.

He was right. I had already been fucked this morning. The motel room, the bathroom, You knew that. I was on a fucking roll and I sure as hell didn't want it to end! The third time I had cum. Hard. Very hard. You know. I just told you about it. I am a pretty gooey cum too. That last one was pretty fucking close. I did not squirt all over the bathroom wall or anything. I do that sometimes. Rarely. Very Rarely.

Fuck! Why do I have that stupid bathroom fetish? I hate it.

Yea, He was right, I WAS nasty down there.

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I have begun fingering my lil ass hole. Why not.

I have to use my own spit there too. But it is OK. I like it. A lot. I can not help it. I want to be fucked there. Badly!

There is shit on my fingers. I should wash.

I am a skank.

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I removed the red blouse and tossed it inside the door. "Look, I can't have you doing that on my porch. OK, I have neighbors, for fuck's sake."

He grabbed me by the arm and pulled me inside.

The overcoat was still outside. He was angry. Yelling at me - telling me I had to go home. I started to cry. Then I heard a voice. A familiar voice.

"Who the fuck is that?" A high pitched voice echoed down the hallway.

"Who the fuck is that?" I wondered as heavy footsteps approached us. She rounded the corner and it was a shock - for both of us.

It was Sara Evans! From study hall. Oh my god! That mother fucker was fucking Sarah Evans too! She too was in a bathrobe. Dark blue, and with the hoodie up she kind of looked like death, if death were a very sexy woman. (which she very well may be.) "What the hell are you doing here? Dressed like that? Sheila isn't home - were you two planning on going out and whoreing around? Look at you... Are those fishnets?! I hope you are charging for it. And you dared to make fun of me?"

She was pissed. In retrospect I don't really blame her. At the time I was just confused. Paralyzed. It hit her.

"Wait a second... Your not here to see Sheila - you are... Oh My God! That is hysterical" She let out a vicious hyena cackle. I was mortified. "You are here to see... that is too fucking funny! The little skinny dyke that followed Sheila Peterson like a puppy dog is dressed like a hooker and here to...I guess if you can't catch Sheila might as well go for the next best thing."

"I am not a dyke!" I shouted trying to cut her off before she could finish that sentence.

"I always thought you were. Everybody else did too." I was aghast. "Now you just look like a cheap hooker. Well - a dyke dressed as a cheap hooker - but still a whore. Isn't that what you called me once? A cheap hooker? YOU AND THAT PRISSY little bitch Sheila. I am sorry honey but she is. You know I how I feel about her."

Mr. Peterson said nothing. "Was I in love with Sheila? Am I a dyke? I was so confused."

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I have fingered lil rose bud a lil too much. I like it too much. I can't help it. One should plan these things. I didn't mean too. It just happened.

I shit myself.

I am sitting in it while I type this. I was touching myself when I did it. I was fingering my ass when I felt it coming. I couldn't help it. I could not make it to the bathroom so, I just let it go.

Yes, I fucking shit myself. OK.

Do you get it? I am horny OK. I shit naked. Right on my sofa. While I masturbated and wrote to you. I did not cum, but I came close. As close as I have cum in hours. My roommate is out of town and I will have time to clean tomorrow. After I Cum. After I FUCKING cum. I need to cum! I hope I can cum by tomorrow.

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Fuck! Why do I have that stupid bathroom fetish? I hate it.

I was sooo horny - squatting over the drain in the floor. I closed my eyes. I held my breath. I did it! I fucking did it! I peed! Right in front of them. There were groans of disgust and laughter.

"Is that what you wanted?" I asked, as I finished.

"NO that is NOT what I had in mind. Jesus, this girl is a skank!"

Fresh cum was still leaking from my little hole as I squatted over the drain and pushed. Nasty. I am nasty. A fuck hole. I want to be fucked. Again and again.

He never let go of my arm. Like I was going to run somewhere. He took the little drink gun from the bar. Its long Silver chord trailed behind it. He held it to my twat. "This is what I had in mind."

He shot it up inside me. FUCK! The water was cold. Mother fucker! Back down it came and into the drain on the soiled floor. I held on to the Ice machine for balance. They Laughed and laughed. I hated them. Mother fuckers, I wanted to fuck them. I wanted to suck their cocks. Mostly I liked being held in the center of attention.

In truth, the cold water felt good against my throbbing clit. Lil soldier girl had taken one for the team. She was red and swollen from her ordeal. That mother fucker pinched me hard! I had asked him to. The cool water I am sure helped with the swelling. He had pinched me fucking hard! I fucking came! I nearly lost control and squirted pee and cum all over the fucking bathroom floor. I do that every now and then. She is so funny. She was sore, red and swollen but I swear she wanted more. She was a trigger itching to twitch.

He pressed the trigger again. Soda water shot up straight up my stinging twat and then back down. I tried the trick where you catch some of the water and hold it. But my body had already been through a lot this morning. I just let them do it - clinging to the cold silver box for stability.

I did need to be cleaned.

He placed a bottle of soap in front of me. Dish soap. "Come on bitch lather up."

"Dish soap? He wants me to wash my twat with dish soap?" I though as I poured a puddle into my palm. I lathered the outside, careful no to get any of that inside me. They laughed as foam formed between my legs. I rinsed my self with the water button on the drink gun. I held my head low humiliated. Hungry.

They all seemed to get a big kick out of it. I tried to dance again , this time the bartender grabbed me by the arm and said - since none of us want to fuck you, I say lets put you to work doing something useful.

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My nipples are at full attention, I have to caress them. I have to. All boundaries are gone! FUCK I love my breasts!

Now there is shit on my lil pixies too. I am looking at myself in the mirror. "Would you like to suck them?" I whisper aloud.

"You didn't want to suck them anyway. Maybe you would shit on them." Please shit on me.

I hate myself.

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"Was I in love with Sheila? Am I a dyke? I was so confused."

"Let me tell you something - the cheap hooker look isn't doing anything for you." She said from beneath her cloak. I started to cry.

Her voice shifted in pitch from the high whine of a scorned woman to the one I always remember from school, the low low sultry breathy flirt. She could ask a question in Algebra and it sounded like she was narrating a porn movie.

"But I could make you look sexy. You have a few things going for you." My tears subsided. She was surprisingly warm, for someone Sheila and I had so actively made fun of for as long as I can remember. She caressed my shoulder. I bet he would like it too - what I could do for you. Wouldn't you?"

"Jesus Sarah, you are evil, are you thinking what I am thinking? How could you not?"

She stood behind him reaching around his robe to stroke his hard on through the terry-cloth. "Mmm Hmm, this one has most definitely got some assets! We could tap into."

It wormed its way out of the tied robe taunting me. I knew she was taunting me, but I wasn't sure what she was up to. I just knew I liked it. I enjoyed the attention. I wanted to suck his dick. Badly. I wondered if this push up bra had fooled her and she thought I had really big tits or something. I was worried.

"But you have to let us take pictures of you when we are done..." I agreed quickly. Perhaps too quickly. "...and post them on the internet, to see if we can find you a date."

"Find me a date?" I was confused, elated, apprehensive.

Obedient.

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I want to roll in it. Like a dog. Like the dog I am. Maybe I would cum if I rolled in it. Every pour on my body is open - a crater wanting to be filled or a goose bump that shutters with any contact. Highs and lows.

Now there is shit on my keyboard as I type this.

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They all seemed to get a big kick out of it. I tried to dance again. I climbed to the bar.

I have always fanaticized about dancing naked on a bar. Not like a stripper - like a fucking slut. It was turning me on. I climbed up on top ready to strut what ever I have. I wanted to turn them on. Maybe, just maybe, they would think I am sexy. Maybe they would let me suck their cocks.

They were having none of it. This time the bartender grabbed me by the arm and said - since none of us want to fuck you, I say lets put you to work doing something useful.

I was humiliated. I am too ugly for a bar full of dirty old men. I bet any one of them would have fucked me in a second - but when they were all together they were a bunch of fucking cowards - trying to impress each other with bullshit name calling - trying to out do the other one.

He rolled the mop and bucket over. Now that you have cleaned yourself, why don't you clean this place up too.

They howled with laughter. I didn't give a fuck. I mopped. Naked. I tried to make a sexy show out of it. Someone poured some of his beer on the floor. "hey bitch, you missed a spot." Deep inside - he wanted me to suck his cock.

Another one spit on the floor. "Hey bitch, over here!"

Another unbuttoned his fly and was about to piss on the floor in an attempt to top his friend. "Hey, bitch, you missed a spot." The bartender stopped him. "Fuck that, I need my bathroom cleaned - where you left your skanky smell." The bartender snorted. The others laughed.

He produced a bucket and a nasty scrub brush from beneath the bathroom sink. I was only too willing to make a show of it. Before I knew it I was on my hands and knees scrubbing the bathroom floor. The one I had just been so thoroughly laid in. Fuck! I have this little bathroom fetish. I may have told you about it. They gathered in the door way to watch. Holy cow!

"Hey, bitch, you missed a spot." I looked up and one of them had pulled his cock out. I thought he wanted me to give him a blow job. No, really I did. Call me naive.

Finally - I was going to see a little action. Even though they were all laughing. I had had this fantasy while I was dancing in the bar of all of them gathering around and cumming on my face. Holy Cow! Come on girls, you have had that fantasy before haven't you? Admit it. I saw it in some stupid porn thing - but FUCK it turned me on! I sooooo wanted to be her! I sooo want to do that!

It had been a major rush parading around naked with all those men staring at my lil skinny pale body. My lil pixies bouncing around - well as much as they bounce. I think what I am trying to say is - I was ready. I was so fucking turned on! I wanted to start sucking cock!

He held it in his hand. Others stood in the doorway, some taking pictures with cell phones. "Fuck it I thought, take em - post em all over the internet. I am a fucking slut. I am. I can fucking suck cock like a porn star.

I assumed the position. Willingly. Enthusiastically.

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My lil soldier girl stands above the dark cavern. I pet her with my thumb as another plunges inside trying to fill the abyss. It can not be done. I have mixed holes. I will regret this. But I have already done it. It is going to get me sick. You should never mix holes like that.

Fuck it.

I hate myself.

There is foulness on this sofa, there is foulness on the floor at my feet, There is foulness on my fingers as I rub my clit.

I can not fill her. She can not be filled. She is an abyss. She is hell. My pussy IS hell.

I hate her.

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I agreed quickly. Perhaps too quickly. "...and post them on the internet, to see if we can find you a date."

"Find me a date?" I was confused, elated, apprehensive.

Obedient.

They led me upstairs. I was in a fog. It had been years and years since I had been up there -- since Sheila moved into the basement. I was crying again. I was scared. The second floor was always spooky to me. I have bad memories of it. But I don't know what they are.

We rounded the stairway into a large bath room. I remembered it.

Sarah brought a warm wash cloth to my face. She stroked the tears away.

"Oh, that is so hot." Mr. Peterson chimed in.

"Shut up, don't cheapen the moment, you haven't seen hot yet. Now, baby, lets wipe this paint off your sweet little face." She said as she applied cold cream and washed my face clean. He stood in the doorway and took our picture.

"Stop that! Not yet. Delete that picture - I don't want anybody to see this sweet thing dressed like a whore." She lit a candle and dimmed the lights. "We have to create this delicately." She laughed her malevolent laugh and grabbed me by the chin making me look in the mirror, "See what a beautiful little girl you are."

I looked at her instead. She was beautiful. She has the biggest, darkest brownest eyes I have ever seen on a person. They are misty but kind of scary. Like a fog, in a swamp. Dangerous. Their lifelessness is part of what made her so sexy. Because she was anything but lifeless. Contrast. Yin and yang, Boy and girl, S & M. She was vivacious and flirtatious. Just the opposite of little shy me, and sweet perfect Sheila. No matter how she wore her hair - it was just right - she always had that 'I just got out of bed' look. And she probably did, too. She had quite the reputation and I am sure she had earned it. She oozed of sex. She was sex. She is Sarah Fucking Evans for cripes sake. I - practically a virgin - was having my slutness attended to by Sarah Fucking Evans!

I was trembling. Her hands ran across my shoulder and to my breasts. "Oh, my, have we ever got one silly padded bra on." She whispered as she released it with one twist of her hand. She dangled it front of me for effect.

"Mmm, look at these perfect little specimens." She announced as she stood behind me and caressed them both at once. I have never before heard someone say I have perfect breasts. I have (still am) always been a little embarrassed of them. They are smaller than your hand, smaller than my hands - and I have small hands. They are certainly smaller than Sarah's. My nipples are bright pink, perhaps the only color on my body except for milky white and - the occasional freckle if I have been out in the sun, Oh and my pubic hair which is bright red. My breasts are little and mostly nipple. I call them my little pixies. But Sarah seemed to be quite enamored with them. She squeezed them between her thumb and fore finger. My knees were getting weak.

"Have you any idea how many men are going to be drooling over these perfect little pubey boobies?"

She whispered in my ear and then kissed me softly on the cheek. For the record it was the first time I was ever kissed by a girl - not to mention felt up. I was confused and awkward. She made me look at myself in the mirror. Mr. Peterson stood in the door way watching. His robe was open. His cock was at full attention.

Her hands found their way down my rib cage to the back of my skirt. One pull of a zipper and it was round my ankles

I wiggled a bit and even reached for his cock. She would have none of it. She was getting a kick out of making both of us squirm.

I was confused, turned on. Guilty. I mean I just don't think I am a lesbian but Sarah Fucking Evans had her hands all over me. Sarah Evans! I was powerless. And besides it was really turning Mr. Peterson on and that after all is what I came to do.

Garters, stockings, thong all in a heap as her hands traced my bell down to my lil pelvic mound. Down to my lil race way I had so carefully groomed. She rubbed her fingers through my pubic hair. I was so wet and Soooo.. proud of my little raceway. My lil red landing strip, But Sarah had other ideas. "Mmmm, this just won't do."

"Oh if you are going to shave her I have to get some pictures of that."

I was trembling. Motionless. "No," she said as she snipped the scissors in the air for effect. "Just a little trim." I mean she's got these nice pubey boobies, she should have a little sprout to match don't you think?"

The blade was cool against my mound. I whenced with the snip, and curly red hairs fell to the ground and to my feet.

I was sooo wet! I wanted to have sex sooo bad! And Sarah Evans was going to teach me how! Holy Cow!

She led me down the hall way. I remembered the hall way. It made me dizzy. I was naked as the day I was born.

************************************************************************

Fuck my cunt. SHE IS HELL. Stick it - your cock - any fucking cock - ANY FUCKING THING in my hell hole.

Cum inside me! Maybe you will cum right on the devil herself. May be you can extinguish this hell at least for a second. The devil lives in my pussy. Cum on her. Extinguish this bitch. PLEASE!

************************************************************************

I assumed the position. Willingly. Enthusiastically.

I closed my eyes expecting to suck cock. Instead, it was a very different mouthful.

I should have seen it coming, Sour. Warm. It was a surprise. Really. A big surprise. The mother fucker was pissing on me! I spit it out involuntarily as the warm flood splattered on my face. It dripped from my chin and down my breasts. They all laughed and laughed.

Reflexively I turned my head and fell backwards into the corner to let him piss on me. I could not help it. It turned me on. A lot! I closed my eyes and began to touch myself. Hot foulness splattered and ran down my body. It was so disgusting. It was so fucking hot! I am so turned on by telling you about it! My tits, my belly and down. Down. He aimed at my hand which was now furiously rubbing my clit. I moved my hand and let him piss right on it. Holy FUCK! I was about to cum. I was about to pass out. The spray moved back up my body. Hot and so dirty! Shellacking my body. I was in a trance. I could not stop myself.

I leaned forward. I had to. I wanted to. I... I... opened my mouth. HOLY FUCK. I am a toilet. I am a fucking toilet whore!

This was like fantasy number eleven. I was fucking drinking piss! I was cumming! Hard! Hyperventilating. He pissed on my clit again while I swallowed. Piss is fucking hard to swallow. FUCK! Hot foulness sprayed on my face and back down to my sweet tender clit- FUCK! I was cumming! And back up to my face and FUCK! I was Cumming! I opened my mouth. FUCK! I was Cumming! It is so sour, so foul so wrong so fucking HOT!

SO FUCKING HOT! I am a toilet whore. FUCK! I was Cumming!

The peanut gallery groaned as he filled my mouth. It is so hard to swallow - my - my throat muscles were confused - my reflexes made me want to spit it out - it is so fucking hard to swallow. I'm telling you. The smell permeated my nose. I could not consume it. I so wanted to. I tried. My mouth filled - overflowing. I could only swallow a little bit. I had to spit the rest out. I couldn't do it. I was feeling woozy. Light headed. It dribbled from my lips onto my breasts. He finally redirected his spray.

I spread my lips with my fingers to give him a better shot. Fuck Fuck Fuck! Hot foulness danced on my clit. It was like a nasty hot water pick. Right on my clit. Holy Fuck. I had to. I licked some foulness from my shoulder. - I was fucking drinking piss! I am a toilet! I was.. Holy Hyper-ventel.. HOLY -- Holy FUuuu...

Woozy.

Weak.

Fading.

Still licking piss off my shoulder. I passed out.

Out.

Orgasm black out number eight.

************************************************************************

Fuck my mouth.

Make me gag.

Make me vomit. Maybe I will puke up the devil - along with your cum. I put my finger in mouth my gag reflex is in a coma. I am typing with one hand.

There is scat on my fingers.

I am licking them clean. FUCK me! Scat usually makes me hurl. Not this time. Maybe it is because I want to be sick.

I want to puke this devil out of me.

Puke the fucking devil out of me because I am a shit eating whore!

************************************************************************

She led me down the hall way. I remembered the hall way. It made me dizzy. I was naked as the day I was born.

Mr. Peterson was already in the room. The room. I remembered it. It had been Sheila's toy room. It had not changed in all these years. He had a camera. He started to take a picture as we entered. She was leading me. I was trembling.

"Stop That. Not yet, be patient."

She sat me on the toy box. The room was pink with balloons for wall paper. I was nervous. Sarah produced a bundle of fabric from the closet and placed it beside me. Now lets get you all dressed up sweetie. You are a very very sexy little girl.

I stood up and she helped me step into a frilly little purple skirt. It was light weight and felt funny. It was tight. A little too tight - but it was all stretchy material. What is this I wondered as I held my arms up in the air and she pulled the top down over me. It was... It was a fairy princess costume. I remembered it. Sheila wore it when we were kids. I squirmed. Mr. Peterson took a picture. Sarah place a plastic Tierra on my head. And a set of wings.

"Mmmmm, delicious. Yes, you can start taking pictures now." She put glitter on my face and handed me a wand with a star on the end.

"Ya gotta use what ya got little girl. Have you any idea how many men are going to find you the most precious little legal baby doll on the planet?"

He took another picture. "I hate to say it Sarah, but you are right - and when you are right you are very right! She is so fucking sexy."

"He thinks I am sexy!" I thought. It turned me on. I couldn't stand it. I started waiving the wand and striking poses. I had no fucking idea.

"That's a girl. Pose for the camera for me."

I was confused.

She handed me a bag of candy in a Halloween bag. That's it - work the camera for me baby. Sarah had moved over behind Mr. Peterson. His robe was open; his cock was so hard. She stroked him as he clicked as if she was tempting me. His cock the carrot - me the jack-ass.

"My Goddess," I thought "I am actually watching Sarah Evans in action! And she is luring me - holy fuck!" I wanted to do what ever she asked!!!!

"That's it baby. Sit down on the toy chest and pull that skirt up." Make it look accidental. Show me a little something something."

I did. Holy Fuck I did. I flashed my lil saucey to the camera. A few sad little red hairs starting to bud.

She gave a giant green stick of hard candy. Sour apple. "Mmmm. Suck on that for me baby."

I did. I tried to make a show of it for her. For him.

"No, baby like this." She got on her knees and inhaled Mr. Peterson's mammoth prick. I was so jealous. But Holy Cow! Sarah Peterson was showing me how. She inhaled it with ease. He was having trouble holding the camera.

I kneeled beside her and sucked the sour apple while she gave him head. It was like she was giving me lessons and I got the trainer candy until I could prove I was good enough to get the real thing.

As if by design, she stopped and took the camera from him as she offered me Mr. Peterson. "But with the candy, baby. With the Candy."

I rubbed the melting green slime across his cock and licked it like a lolly pop. The shutter click sending shutters up my spine.

He had not let me do this the night before. I had almost no experience with oral sex. And certainly not with a real cock. Not a man's cock. I so wanted to impress her. Him.

I took turns. Jolly Rancher, Hard sweet delicious cock, Hard candy. Hard cock. Hard candy. Hard cock. Holy cow. It was making me hot. I was performing for Sarah Evans!

I pulled the crenelin over my waste and began to fuck myself with the hard candy while I sucked his cock.

"Yes, baby. Yes." The camera clicked there was green slime on my face and now my sweet gooey saucey.

"Yes!" her approval turned me on. He was hard. Throbbing. I was doing a good job. He was going to cum! I was going to make him cum!

"In the face." I want a shot of that sweet little face.

"My face is sweet.?! Holy fuck, I was turned on. I brought the hard candy back to my mouth, I licked my own saucey from it and rubbed it on his cock - he was throbbing in my hand. His breathing was heavy. Hers was heavy. She clicked again. He grabbed my wrist. I was clinching his cock too tightly. As I released so did he!!! Right in my face. I posed for the camera. I smeared the big green rod in hot man cum and licked.

"Oh, your good, baby. You don't need any lessons. You're a natural"

I was beaming. Triumphant. It may have been my finest moment.

I had done something Sheila could never do.

************************************************************************

I love you Sheila. I am so sorry. So so sorry. I hate myself. It was seven years ago, and still I am so sorry.

************************************************************************

I passed out. Out. Orgasm black out number eight.

I know this because the next think I knew I was being sprayed with a garden hose. The whole bathroom. The clean water ran to the drain in the floor. It woke me up. I was dizzy.

"I told you we should get you out of here before somebody gets hurt." One of them said as he turned up an industrial garden hose connected to the spigot under the sink. He sprayed me down, like you would a dog in heat. I am a dog.

I was sprayed down and every bit as excited as a dog after a bath. I was clean.

My bathrobe was soaking wet - still balled in the corner.

************************************************************************

My fingers are clean now. I have not puked. There is shit on my face.

I am fingering my ass again. I am afraid I am developing a little scat fetish. I know I am. Just saying that makes me wet.

Finally, I am very very wet. Closer. There is hope. I am licking them clean again. Fuck! I am getting turned on! It is vile! Vile!

************************************************************************

The next day I met them both at the motel room we agreed on. They helped me get dressed. I wore a little pink outfit with red ladybugs. They were distant. Awkward.

There was a knock on the door and they introduced me to the first, and then they left only to return an hour later. It was awful. Unspeakably awful. I think I came first.

************************************************************************

"Fuck my ass! She is messy. Unclean." I just said aloud to no one as I finger my dirty dirty ass again. "So dirty! I like it dirty. I am dirty. A skank. A whore. A bich. A dog.

There is shit on my fingers. A lot of shit. I can not stop myself.

************************************************************************

I was clean. My bathrobe was soaking wet - still balled in the corner.

I was limping from pure humiliation, and ecstasy. I was soaking wet. Drenched, but clean. My sopping bathrobe hit the floor with a wet plop as they led me up on top of the bar. They had to hold me up. I would have collapsed otherwise. I had no idea what they were going to do.

I didn't care.

Someone grabbed my hair and pulled my head back. A bottle of vodka was opened and some poured some down my throat. I fucking needed it.

There were whoops and cheers.

They were enjoying them selves. I was too. I liked the attention. I guess I am every bit the perves that they are. My head was spinning. My equilibrium was in Ecuador.

"So this is what she likes huh, Bobby?" The bartender stood alone on the other side of the bar. He removed a pair of olive tongs and held them up for the others to see. They cheered and slammed their beers down on the bar.

I was terrified.

Aroused.

"Yea, its like I was saying', 'fore yen's started pissin' on her." One of the idiots chimed in. "She likes to be pinched. That's what she asked me to do in the bathroom. That's when she started screamin' like an insane person. I swear to God. I ain't never seen nothing like it. And look, she's got these scars on her thighs - I'm telling ya she likes it. You seen her -- hopin' up on the bar and dancing like a cat in heat, scrubbing floors... and fuck - you seen it - what she just did. I'm telling ya I ain't never seen any thing like it. I say we pinch her again, and see what happens. She likes it. She does. Don't you - tell em how u like it."

It was like I was an insect being tortured by small children. The bartender produced a pair of olive tongs. I was fucking squirming. My arms pulled over my shoulders Big swollen clit throbbing like a live heart thumping on the bar. "Yes." I managed. "Pinch me."

The bartender put on a pair of rubber gloves and declared, "See, I don't want to touch that nasty shit."

"Hurt me." The tongs had pointed forks that bent inwards he held them to my face for me to examine them closely. I was breathless. I could only mutter.

"Oh Yes, fuck Yes!" He clicked them together maliciously. The crowd got very quiet.

"Make me bleed!"

"I want to bleed."

************************************************************************

"Make me! Make me eat it - like the dog I am!" I whispered clearly. Fuck! It is working. I am licking them again. I am devouring it! It used to make me throw up, but not any more. I have graduated. I am a fucking shit eating whore! Like a dog! A bitch. I am a fucking bitch. I eat my own shit!

I liked them clean totally. I gagged a bit. Just a bit. It is fucking awful. It is turning me on! In a big way! IT! It is the devil.

I tried to shit out the devil. it did not work! It only turned me on - a lot! if only for a moment. Have you ever shit yourself while you masturbated?

Holy fuck!

I am still sitting in it. It is all over me. I want to roll in it.

************************************************************************

Mr. Peterson and Sarah made me fuck lots of people that summer. Well, he didn't make me. I did as I was told. We made appointments. I could have not shown up. Its not like he tied me up and kept me in a cage. Once I got to whatever room he had rented he would let me in. I would dress as a little girl and wait in the motel room. Eventually someone would knock on the door.

It went on for three months. Almost everyday. Sometimes a couple of different men in a day. I am sure he was charging them. I didn't care. I was beginning to enjoy the attention. Sometimes Sarah was there. We pretended we were sisters....

************************************************************************

"Fuck me! Push my face in this pile of shit while you fuck me in the ass. DO IT!" I tell my self. It is working. I am getting closer! So close!

"Fuck me in the ass and make me lick your cock clean!" I say to myself. It is working! . It is working. I am getting closer! So close!

I am feeding myself. FUCK FUCK FUCK! It is working it... is so fucking disgusting! It is working...But... But.... I can't.

I can't fucking cum! I am licking shit off my fingers and I can't fucking cum! How much further down this path can I go?

************************************************************************

"Oh Yes, fuck Yes!" He clicked them together maliciously. The crowd got very quiet.

"Make me bleed!"

"I want to bleed."

Cheers and catcalls and laughter. I was splayed long-ways down the bar. I panicked. I was kicking on top of the bar. I knocked some bottles over. Two people grabbed my ankles and held me still. My eyes rolled back in my head. I thought of Julia, and how much pain she could take. I can take it.

Someone put his hand on my soaking lil saucey. He put his finger inside me and rubbed his thumb over my clit and then brought his other finger up to meet the thumb. He pulled on my ravished lil soldier girl. I whenced. They laughed. She was standing at full attention.

"You sure this is what you want?" He asked as he brushed the cold steel across my clit. My lips were pursed, my jaw tight in a defensive posture. I could only nod, Yes!"

I was crying. It was going to hurt.

************************************************************************

So close!

I want to get down on my knees. And put my own face in the pile that is on the couch while I finger myself.. I lick my fingers again. I might throw up after all. Maybe I shouldn't get down on my knees. A whole mouthful would make me throw up. FUCK I WANT TO THROW UP! I want to puke this fucking devil out of me. I fucking hate myself.

But if I throw up it will mean I am a failure - even as a dog. I am licking my fingers again. I am learning to really enjoy scat. Maybe one day I can - I can - Oh Fuck I am so close. I so Want to cum. One day I will be able to.... Fuck I want to cum!!!!!! One day I will be able to.... eat my own shit, .... Fuck I am going to cum!!!!!!

************************************************************************

...Someone had finished with me. He was sitting in a chair smoking a cigarette watching Mr. Peterson finish fucking Sarah. I was laying beside them - an emotionless hollow core. Stuffed animals and pink ribbons and streamers. Happy birthday balloons, presents rapping paper and birthday cake littered the room.

It was no ones birthday. I was just playing a part. I only looked twelve. I was nineteen. Sarah played the part of my older sister. She was incredibly sexy. I was jealous of her. Mr. Peterson liked her better. I might have been in love with him. I might have been in love with her. I lay beside them as he fucked her. I wanted to be either one of them, but she too was just lying there. She rolled her head over and saw me staring at her. There was pain in her eyes. I recognized it. She knew I did. She flashed the slightest smile at me as Mr. Peterson finished his business and joined his friend for a cigarette. I looked right through her. There was a tear forming in the bottom corner of her eye.

It was - it was - I recognized it. It was the same tear that Sheila had - when... Fuck I can't think about that. I can't. I won't.

I only wanted to comfort her. To hold her. Like I needed to be comforted. Like.. like Sheila did, and now like Sarah.

I leaned forward and kissed the tear from her foggy eyes. She smiled. Just a little. Only the corner of her mouth twitched. It was enough. I knew. She knew I knew. I stroked her hair. She kissed me. Not a playful "Hey look a me kissing a girl to turn some guy on" kiss. It was a kiss. A real kiss. A kiss like I had never had before. Holy cow. What just happened? Did she feel it? Did everyone in the room feel it? Did the whole world feel it? Oh my God.

She felt it, I knew she did. We made eye contact. We were both crying. Trembling. I had to. I could not stop myself. I held her tight. I whispered, "I love you."

************************************************************************

Fuck me anywhere.

In any hole you can get your cock into. If my mouth or my pussy or my dirty ass hole are too nasty for you -- make a new one. I have a razor blade. Cut me. Make me a fucking virgin again. Make me a new hole. A virgin hole. Make me fucking cum! I want to cum - I want you to cum -- on my first fuck.

Don't you fucking understand?!

Make a new fuk hole. Make me bleed. I want to have my period. My first period from a new fuck hole.

I was not a fucking virgin before I could bleed. OK you probably suspected that - but now you know for sure. OK.

Lead me to the bathroom floor and let me bleed on the tile.. Make me stuff a tampon in my new fuk hole. I want to bleed like a virgin. Like the virgin I never was.

The walls of the dyke are bulging.

My flesh is shuttering.

The scars on my thighs tingle. Pain. I want fucking pain! I can't help it.

************************************************************************

It was going to hurt.

It was hard to breath through my nose. Snot was running down my face and dangling from my chin as the open end clasped my lil soldier girl. She was erect. Still swollen from before.

Still hungry.

Still desperate.

My back arched. He began to squeeze. The pain started immediately. Pain. Sweet pain. Severe pain. Lovely pain. Harsh pain. Delightful pain.

Terrible fucking pain.

Terrible terrible terrible mother fucking perfect perfect pain. PAIN! Pain. I was starting to cum.

I kicked my feet loose from their grip and someone else grabbed my leg. The other dangled over the wrong side of the bar. The cold metal dug into my poor little clit. HOLY FUCK! I kicked with the one free leg. My arms were held inflexible over my head. It took two of them to hold them down - while one of them - I am not sure which - squeezed.

"Pinch me!" FUCKING PINCH IT!"

Oh he did! He was fucking squeezing the Bejezus out of me. My sweet sweet saucey was so wet but lil soldier girl was beyond ripe. She was red and swollen.

FUCK!

It hurt!

FUCK!

I was cumming.

FUCK!

I hate myself.

"Hard!" I yelled.

FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!. I was cumming hard! HARD! My back arched and collapsed -slamming into the bar. Again. And again. I thought about poor Julia and how much she could take. My orgasm was coming out of my eyeballs. It took all of them to hold me still enough to keep squeezing.

"MOTHER FUCKER!" I yelled. My eyes were popping out of my head! I was shivering - no I was shaking! Violently. They laughed.

"Go ahead - whore - scream all you want. There is no one that can hear you. Squirt for us."

************************************************************************

The scars on my thigh are tingling. They are an escape hatch for the pressure building inside me. It must be released some where - some how.

I have done this before. I swore I would never do it again

I hate myself. I am going to have another fucking scar. This one is going to be bad. I can tell. Of fuck!

************************************************************************

We were both crying. Trembling. I had to. I could not stop myself. I held her tight. I whispered, "I love you."

It is the same thing I had whispered to Sheila.

There was a moment. A breath. A short breath when I know she felt it too. Sarah's heart was racing. As was mine.

One of the men whispered something about how hot that was. Next thing I know we Sarah and I were having sex. But we were not making love, we were performing. I was crying.

For Sheila.

************************************************************************

Cut me and cum inside me. Slide your cock inside the gaping flesh. Fuck me the hard way. The fucking hard way. Rip my flesh open and stick your hard cock inside me.

I have a razor. It is in my hand. Take it from me. Cut me. Cut me open. Slice a new hole and fuck me in the virgin chasm. Cum inside me. make me lick my own blood off your cock.

I hate myself.

************************************************************************

"Go ahead - whore - scream all you want. There is no one that can hear you. Squirt for us."

"FUCK!" I was cumming so fucking hard.

Still he pinched. FUK! He did more than pinch - he fucking pulled and twisted - and pinched some more. The olive tongs embedded themselves into the fleshy tissue. The skin was broken. I was bleeding. A lot. Words turned to unintelligible syllables. "AHhhOuww-Shhh-it!" This was big.

This was fucking big.

My eyeballs pulsated. My calves vibrated, my bottom lip quivered, my pussy shivered. My knees bobbed, my breast throbbed, my thighs spazumed, My chasm gushed gooey gooey. I was fucking cumming! My tummy was bouncing like a trampoline, my entire body was one massive orgasm. Pain sliced through it all.

Massive pain.

I threw my head back My mouth opened wide inhaling all of the universe and pushed it through my tiny body. At one point I swear if you had looked into my open mouth you could have seen straight through my open cunt. My entire body was open! I was one pipe fuck that - a fucking fire hose -- in which began to spew an entire ocean of want. The whole of the universe fed through my mouth and forced it self high pressure through my sweet sweet saucey. I was squirting. They cheered as my pussy pushed gallons of cum all the way to the other end of the bar. They were cheering.

I was squirting!

I never squirt.

I was fucking squirting.

I was hurting.

I was bleeding.

FUCK! I was bleeding.

I was afraid he was going to rip my clit out. It fucking hurt. It still hurts. I was squirting for fuck's sake. I was about to pass out again. I was post orgasm. I had to yell for I was afraid I really would lose my clit.

"It hurts It Hurts IT HURTS!!! Stop! Please stop!"

"Stop!'

************************************************************************

I am not going to cut myself.

I want u to do that for me. Please? Pretty please. Don't m